The Trap Of Offense In Ministry

WEBVTT100:00:00.080 --> 00:00:05.120Now, let's not forget Jesus Christdied for the Pharisees as well. Right,200:00:06.160 --> 00:00:09.919so he didn't hold bitterness in hisheart and withhold good, because that's300:00:10.000 --> 00:00:13.279ultimately what happens. When you holdbitterness or offense in your heart. It400:00:13.279 --> 00:00:16.719becomes a reader bitterness. You endup with holding good from the people that500:00:16.800 --> 00:00:20.039you should do good to. Weend up doing the very thing Jesus said600:00:20.120 --> 00:00:22.960not to do when we're offended andwe have a root of bitterness. You700:00:22.960 --> 00:00:25.760know how it says that we shoulddo unto others as we would have them800:00:25.800 --> 00:00:29.239to do unto us. When weget bitterness and offense in our hearts,900:00:29.280 --> 00:00:35.840we oftentimes do the opposite. IAm Yours, I'm yours, I'm yours,1000:00:36.159 --> 00:00:42.240and me Lord, I'm yours,I'm yours. I'm welcome to the1100:00:42.280 --> 00:00:48.200Gospel centered pro life podcast, apodcast designed to equip, encourage and challenge1200:00:48.200 --> 00:00:51.759you in pro life ministry, andalways with a focus on the Gospel.1300:00:51.960 --> 00:01:06.879Stay tuned. I felt your pasttouch your welcome back to the Gospel centered1400:01:06.879 --> 00:01:11.000pro life podcast. Appreciate you guysjoining us as always, and I am1500:01:11.079 --> 00:01:18.319here Daniel Parks, with Vicky CassiOrg doing I'm sure everybody's doing great because1600:01:18.319 --> 00:01:22.799they get to hear from us again. Lucky them. There is no such1700:01:22.840 --> 00:01:26.840thing as luck. That's right.Just what would be the alternative? Then1800:01:27.079 --> 00:01:32.480they are so blessed, blessed,they're blessed, they're blessed. Yes,1900:01:32.640 --> 00:01:38.640Amen. Well, this topic hopefullywill be a blessing. Hopefully by the2000:01:38.760 --> 00:01:44.959end of this episode, you guyswon't be offended and we talk about because2100:01:44.959 --> 00:01:49.480we're gonna be talking about offense.We're gonna be talking about how in ministry2200:01:49.599 --> 00:01:55.239there is this trap of offense.Or actually had a conversation yesterday with one2300:01:55.239 --> 00:01:57.879of the guys in the office thatsaid I was saying it wrong. I2400:01:57.959 --> 00:02:01.079was saying offense. He saying that'swhat you do when you're playing football.2500:02:01.280 --> 00:02:07.280Right, this is offense. SoI'm trying not to be offended or offended2600:02:07.799 --> 00:02:10.520by that and say it right.Um, I have a little fun with2700:02:10.560 --> 00:02:15.879that, but this is a very, very serious subject, which it is.2800:02:16.280 --> 00:02:21.360It is. This is a goodportion of this is from the book2900:02:21.479 --> 00:02:27.080the Bait of Satan and yes,excellent book, and he makes the point.3000:02:27.120 --> 00:02:31.520The author John Vivie, or itcould be bevier. You don't know.3100:02:32.039 --> 00:02:37.719Okay, John vivie Um. Hemakes the point that the UM,3200:02:37.800 --> 00:02:42.479the danger of the trap of offenseis that it can become a route of3300:02:42.520 --> 00:02:46.439bitterness and it just destroys not onlyministries, which is where we're going to3400:02:46.520 --> 00:02:53.240focus, but really human relationships,all human relationships and Um and I think3500:02:53.280 --> 00:02:57.039that is very true. As Iwas reading that book, I definitely had3600:02:57.120 --> 00:03:00.599quite a few ouch moments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think personally,3700:03:01.120 --> 00:03:05.879when you get born again and giveyour life to Jesus, you should3800:03:05.879 --> 00:03:08.400get two things. You should geta Bible and you need to read that3900:03:08.599 --> 00:03:13.719every day. You know, mandon't live on bread alone, but everywhere4000:03:13.759 --> 00:03:15.240that comes from southing God give usthis day or daily bread. You need4100:03:15.240 --> 00:03:19.319your daily bread and you should geta copy of the bit of saying wow,4200:03:19.479 --> 00:03:23.800it's that. Critically, I'm notsaying it's equal to the Bible by4300:03:23.800 --> 00:03:29.919the stretch of the imagination, butthe trap of offense and what I've seen4400:03:30.039 --> 00:03:34.560offense do in my own life andthe lives of others and what offense has4500:03:34.639 --> 00:03:39.280done to destroy ministries, to SplitChurches, is so detrimental to the body4600:03:39.280 --> 00:03:45.479of Christ it's so deeply routed inour hearts. We can so justify it4700:03:45.680 --> 00:03:49.520and it's but it's so destructive thatit needs to be dealt with. And4800:03:49.680 --> 00:03:52.759you actually had all of my mywhole family went through that book. We4900:03:53.280 --> 00:03:54.879bought a copy for each of ourkids. There's actually a version of and5000:03:54.879 --> 00:04:00.520I'm not selling books here, I'mjust saying this book is power and the5100:04:00.520 --> 00:04:03.039truths that are in that book areso powerful everybody needs to take advantage of5200:04:03.039 --> 00:04:05.800it. There's one Um version ofthat book. I think you can find5300:04:05.800 --> 00:04:11.039it on Youtube, not on Youtube, on Amazon, and it's like a5400:04:11.080 --> 00:04:14.639thirty day devotional version. So itas you read like a portion of the5500:04:14.719 --> 00:04:17.120chapter and then you go into theback and answer questions based on that portion5600:04:17.160 --> 00:04:20.160that you read. We actually hadeach of our kids read that portion,5700:04:20.240 --> 00:04:24.680answer the questions and then we alltalked about it as a family, because5800:04:24.720 --> 00:04:30.199offense can be so rooted in inour identity. US holding offense against people.5900:04:30.199 --> 00:04:32.720People do that against their parents,they do that that against their teachers,6000:04:33.040 --> 00:04:36.160they do that against their children,their GRANDPA, you know, all6100:04:36.319 --> 00:04:42.120all of the relationships that we havecan have some point of offense that's connected6200:04:42.160 --> 00:04:46.399to it and it can hold usback. It can one of the things6300:04:46.480 --> 00:04:51.040that surprised me reading the book washow often Jesus talks about it. Yeah,6400:04:51.079 --> 00:04:55.680you know. The first we havean article, as we often do,6500:04:55.720 --> 00:05:00.439that that Um goes along with thispodcast, and the the right at6600:05:00.480 --> 00:05:05.720the top of that article is uhluke seventeen one where Jesus said it is6700:05:05.759 --> 00:05:13.839impossible that no offense should come andand there are many other the in the6800:05:13.839 --> 00:05:18.639book he cites many, many Biblical, uh you know, scripture that that6900:05:18.720 --> 00:05:23.759talks about the danger of offense.Yeah, if you want to know three7000:05:23.800 --> 00:05:28.399things that will hold you back fromdoing what God has called you to it7100:05:28.439 --> 00:05:36.240will be offense, bitterness and disillusionment. Offense, bitterness and disillusionment will hold7200:05:36.279 --> 00:05:40.680you back from doing and being whatGod has called you to do. And7300:05:40.720 --> 00:05:46.079they're so related. They're so related. I think offense probably comes first and7400:05:46.279 --> 00:05:49.240then comes the disillusionment. And whatwas the third one? Bitterness, and7500:05:49.439 --> 00:05:56.319the rude of bitterness that comes fromoffense can be so, so painful.7600:05:56.560 --> 00:05:59.399So, yeah, this reality thatand this is why we're talking about this,7700:05:59.600 --> 00:06:02.079especially in the sidewalk ministry, butany area of ministry that you're involved7800:06:02.079 --> 00:06:06.040in, there can be the potentialfor offense. You could be offended with7900:06:06.120 --> 00:06:10.439the people you're ministering to. Youcan be offended with the people you're ministering8000:06:10.480 --> 00:06:13.120with, you can be offended atthe churches that are not coming out and8100:06:13.199 --> 00:06:15.600ministering or the ones that are,or whatever. There's all kinds of room8200:06:15.639 --> 00:06:19.319for offense. That's why Jesus sayshere that it's impossible that no offense should8300:06:19.360 --> 00:06:23.360come. Like, if you're gonnabe a Christian, if you're gonna be8400:06:23.399 --> 00:06:27.519a human being in this world,in this fallen world full of fallen people,8500:06:28.160 --> 00:06:31.000you're going to have offenses. There'sgonna be things that offend you,8600:06:31.199 --> 00:06:34.560things that happen in a way thatyou didn't want them to happen, and8700:06:35.279 --> 00:06:39.120that's something you're gonna deal with.So we need to look at what the8800:06:39.160 --> 00:06:42.959word of God says. How dowe deal with offenses biblically so that they8900:06:43.000 --> 00:06:46.839don't become a root of bitterness thatwill defile us? And the Bible says9000:06:46.040 --> 00:06:50.040that root of bitterness can defile manypeople around us can get defiled and then9100:06:50.079 --> 00:06:55.000we become disillusioned ultimately with the bodyof Christ and with God. I mean9200:06:55.040 --> 00:07:00.800I've seen offense go from being offendedto a root of bitterness to being completely9300:07:00.839 --> 00:07:04.279disillusioned with God. Where people,I mean we talk with pro boards on9400:07:04.279 --> 00:07:08.800the sidewalk all the time who wereraised in church, and that's the flow9500:07:08.839 --> 00:07:13.360of things. They got offended bysomebody, somebody said something to them or9600:07:13.360 --> 00:07:16.040somebody didn't do something that they thoughtthey should do. Um, they got9700:07:16.079 --> 00:07:20.000that root of bitterness. That rootof bitterness grew up and just defiled them9800:07:20.040 --> 00:07:24.519and defiled many and then they're justcompletely disillusioned with the church. They don't9900:07:24.519 --> 00:07:28.600want to have anything to do withGod. It really clouds reality because the10000:07:28.680 --> 00:07:32.800reality is not what they've painted.When you become bitter, your reality is10100:07:32.839 --> 00:07:39.360now skewed and and Um and andincorrect, so often incorrect. I love10200:07:39.399 --> 00:07:43.079what John Beavier said. He saidit is not a question of opportunity to10300:07:43.120 --> 00:07:46.079be offended, based on that lukeseventeen passage. Um, you will be10400:07:46.120 --> 00:07:49.879offended. In other words, therewill be opportunity to be offended. But10500:07:49.959 --> 00:07:55.600he said, but the question iswhat your response will be. So it's10600:07:55.600 --> 00:07:59.720gonna come. How will we respond? Can we responded in a biblical manner?10700:07:59.759 --> 00:08:03.399And it is really where we hopethat this podcast will, will guide10800:08:03.680 --> 00:08:07.240and encourage. So let's then justreal quick. I think we've already done10900:08:07.240 --> 00:08:13.240it, but let's concisely define whatwe're talking about. What is offense?11000:08:13.439 --> 00:08:16.759Yeah, yeah, well, I'lltake stab at it Um. Offense is11100:08:16.839 --> 00:08:24.519when something feels like an attack oneither your person, your speech, your11200:08:24.680 --> 00:08:31.839character, and you take it personally. Yeah, yeah, I would say11300:08:31.920 --> 00:08:37.840it's something that someone does or someonefails to do that, like you said,11400:08:37.320 --> 00:08:43.799it seems like an attack and youas a person and it's a it's11500:08:43.840 --> 00:08:46.279an offense. All right, itfeels like an offensive jab against you.11600:08:48.080 --> 00:08:50.559Now one thing. I think we'llget into this as we get into the11700:08:50.559 --> 00:08:52.360meat of this podcast. We haveto understand. This is something that really11800:08:52.399 --> 00:08:56.440helped me, and I shared thisbefore we started recording. It really helped11900:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.720me to get over offense and tolet things go. At the end of12000:09:00.759 --> 00:09:01.919the day, it's what we needto we need to let stuff go.12100:09:03.879 --> 00:09:09.120It's realizing and understanding I'm not thatimportant. People aren't thinking of ways they12200:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.639can slide me. They aren't.They aren't thinking of how they can leave12300:09:13.679 --> 00:09:18.039me out of stuff so that itwill hurt me. People aren't thinking of12400:09:18.080 --> 00:09:22.840ways and things that they can sayto offend me and to tear me down.12500:09:22.360 --> 00:09:26.720A lot of times it's negligence.A lot of times it can be12600:09:26.840 --> 00:09:30.840US thinking more highly of ourselves thanwe ought to, and so people might12700:09:31.039 --> 00:09:35.519say something to us that hits usthe wrong way or whatever it might be.12800:09:37.320 --> 00:09:41.039Um, it's not personal. That'sthat's where we get into this trap12900:09:41.080 --> 00:09:46.879of offense, is we take itpersonal, and so if we can keep13000:09:46.879 --> 00:09:50.720from taking it personal, then Ithink we could keep ourselves from the trap13100:09:50.759 --> 00:09:52.519of offense, and we can.We can deal with it. You know,13200:09:52.600 --> 00:09:56.279if we need to address it ona personal level, we we do,13300:09:56.320 --> 00:10:00.279but right. And there are twothere are two kinds of offense the13400:10:00.320 --> 00:10:03.840author brings out. One is purposeful, I mean there really is an attack13500:10:05.480 --> 00:10:09.399that shouldn't have happened and you areactually justified in at least feeling you've been13600:10:09.440 --> 00:10:13.039attacked, Um, and then there'sthe ones that are along the lines of13700:10:13.039 --> 00:10:16.159what you were talking about. Theyreally had nothing to do really with you.13800:10:16.440 --> 00:10:22.559It was just maybe thoughtlessness on theirpart, but they really weren't focused13900:10:22.559 --> 00:10:24.960on you at all. They werefocused on a, you know, whatever14000:10:24.000 --> 00:10:28.960their agenda was, and you justsort of gotten the way. Let me14100:10:28.000 --> 00:10:33.159give you just a short little exampleof how this might play out, and14200:10:33.159 --> 00:10:35.480I've seen it play out on thesidewalk. This is just for sidewalk ministry.14300:10:35.759 --> 00:10:39.679You're there on the sidewalk, you'recalling out to someone across the parking14400:10:39.720 --> 00:10:45.360lot. Your team member WHO's WHO'sin ministry with you, is on the14500:10:45.360 --> 00:10:48.000other side of the sidewalk, ormaybe down fifty ft or so, and14600:10:48.039 --> 00:10:52.799they start calling out over top ofyou. Immediately you're like, okay,14700:10:52.840 --> 00:10:56.519why are they they don't think whatI'm saying is valuable. You know,14800:10:56.840 --> 00:10:58.679you go with this is where weget called in this trap of offense.14900:11:00.000 --> 00:11:03.840Our minds gravitate towards the worst possiblescenario. They don't like what I'm saying.15000:11:03.919 --> 00:11:07.360That's what they're calling out, assigningmotives to them that you can't really15100:11:07.399 --> 00:11:11.240know until you've discussed it with them. Yeah, when you drill into it15200:11:11.279 --> 00:11:13.919though, and this is where,in that scenario, how I would deal15300:11:13.960 --> 00:11:16.879with if someone's calling out over meand I had offense, I would walk15400:11:16.960 --> 00:11:20.639over there and say, Hey,I noticed I was calling out earlier and15500:11:20.639 --> 00:11:22.399you started calling over top of me. If there is there some reason why,15600:11:24.559 --> 00:11:28.200quite likely they didn't realize that youwere calling out. Rather than attributing15700:11:28.279 --> 00:11:31.960the worst possible motive. Maybe theyjust didn't see that you were calling out15800:11:33.320 --> 00:11:35.320and in their zeal they started callingout. That's just a simple example.15900:11:35.679 --> 00:11:39.879It could get a lot more complexthan that. Yeah, yeah, but16000:11:39.039 --> 00:11:41.960you know, that's an example Ithought, just as it pertains to this16100:11:43.039 --> 00:11:46.440ministry, that I would bring up. It's a good example because it also16200:11:46.519 --> 00:11:52.080shows that the it could have turnedinto, and often does turn into,16300:11:52.600 --> 00:11:56.600just you harbor that as bitter resentmentinside of you. You don't directly address16400:11:56.679 --> 00:12:01.879it immediately. You assume that Wurstand all of a sudden you're giving your16500:12:01.919 --> 00:12:05.440teammates the silent treatment or you're angrywith them, and then you start to16600:12:05.480 --> 00:12:11.200snap at each other and whatever,and it could blow up into destroying the16700:12:11.240 --> 00:12:16.399cohesiveness of a sidewalk and it's sucha little thing that never needed to become16800:12:16.399 --> 00:12:20.879big. The Bible says it's thelittle foxes that spoil the vine. I16900:12:20.000 --> 00:12:24.480just read that and I never knewwhat that meant, but that's exactly that's17000:12:24.559 --> 00:12:28.200perfect. That's a perfect verse forthat. It's often the little things that17100:12:28.240 --> 00:12:37.039you never expect that that end upripping apart an entire yeah, yeah,17200:12:37.200 --> 00:12:41.080and you think about it in thatscenario. If that happens multiple times,17300:12:41.159 --> 00:12:45.480someone calls out over you multiple times, that kind of can reinforce that whole17400:12:45.480 --> 00:12:48.039idea that you have in your mind. That's why one of the ways to17500:12:48.120 --> 00:12:52.639guard against offense is what Jesus givesus a Matthew Chapter Eighteen. If you17600:12:52.759 --> 00:12:56.080have an offense with your brother,if you find fault with your brother,17700:12:56.519 --> 00:13:01.200go and speak between you and them. Here's one of the things that we17800:13:01.279 --> 00:13:05.200do to spiritualize our offense, andI've seen this. Probably done this.17900:13:05.399 --> 00:13:07.200I can't remember an instance where Idid, but I've seen it with others.18000:13:07.240 --> 00:13:11.440It's easier to see things in otherpeople. Come I put the personal18100:13:11.480 --> 00:13:15.720example. If you need yeah,Um, but you spiritualize your offense by18200:13:15.720 --> 00:13:18.200saying I want you to pray aboutthis. You know it's rather than going18300:13:18.200 --> 00:13:20.399to the person that you have theoffense with and dealing with it between you18400:13:20.440 --> 00:13:24.399and them so they can be dealtwith like it's supposed to be, you18500:13:24.440 --> 00:13:26.679go to somebody else. I wantyou to be praying about this. So18600:13:26.759 --> 00:13:30.759and so keeps calling out over me, or so and so keeps, you18700:13:30.799 --> 00:13:35.320know whatever, they keep doing whateverthing that's offended you. So I want18800:13:35.360 --> 00:13:37.840you to be praying back. Whatare you doing in that? You're sharing18900:13:37.840 --> 00:13:41.759your offense with other people. It'sfailed gossip. Spiritually, I think about19000:13:41.759 --> 00:13:46.919how that grieves the heart of Godwhen you're using prayer, this powerful tool19100:13:46.960 --> 00:13:52.279that he's given us, in orderto to really perpetuate your offense when you19200:13:52.279 --> 00:13:56.080should be dealing with it between theperson that you're offended by. What you'll19300:13:56.120 --> 00:14:00.519find is because the devil can doa really good job of being a case19400:14:00.559 --> 00:14:03.960against people in your mind, intheir absence. Right, what you'll find19500:14:05.120 --> 00:14:07.919is it's probably there's probably a lotless to it than you thought there was.19600:14:07.279 --> 00:14:09.600It's not, again, that theythought that you weren't good at what19700:14:09.639 --> 00:14:13.240you're doing and you weren't saying theright things. Is You're calling out,19800:14:13.519 --> 00:14:16.399but they didn't realize that you werecalling out. Or maybe it is that19900:14:16.519 --> 00:14:22.639they don't think that the things thatyou're saying are are valuable and you should20000:14:22.639 --> 00:14:24.919be called out over. That stillneeds to be talked about right. That20100:14:26.000 --> 00:14:31.279needs to be addressed between you andthem. Relationships are hard, but as20200:14:31.279 --> 00:14:33.799a believer in Jesus, we haveto do the hard work of building relationships20300:14:33.799 --> 00:14:37.480with each other. Why? Becausethe heart of God is unity in the20400:14:37.519 --> 00:14:41.440body. So they're difficult conversations thatneed to be had sometimes, but oftentimes20500:14:41.480 --> 00:14:46.480you'll find that the things that offendsyou are actually just lies from the enemy20600:14:46.519 --> 00:14:50.480and from the flesh, that ifyou just bring it out in the open,20700:14:50.600 --> 00:14:52.120like they say, sunlight is thebest disinfect and if you bring it20800:14:52.159 --> 00:14:56.240out in the open, out intothe light, you'll find that there's really20900:14:56.240 --> 00:14:58.039no substance to a lot of thesethings. Right. Yeah, I I21000:14:58.200 --> 00:15:03.519agree with that. Agree with thattotally. Um, so it's a trap,21100:15:03.039 --> 00:15:07.120you know. Offense is a trapthat that this Satan sets for all21200:15:07.159 --> 00:15:11.720of us and we can either fallinto that trap nurture that offense in our21300:15:11.720 --> 00:15:18.320hearts at the point that it becomesdeadly and dangerous. And one of the21400:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.240things uh John Bevere pointed out thatI thought was really interesting was what,21500:15:22.240 --> 00:15:26.799what is the most likely source ofoffense, and it's usually those we love21600:15:26.840 --> 00:15:33.320the most, those were the oneswe expect the highest from, are the21700:15:33.360 --> 00:15:37.240ones that most easily offend us.So those would be members of our family.21800:15:37.639 --> 00:15:41.600They certainly could be members of ourteam, a boss that's supposed to21900:15:41.600 --> 00:15:46.960be looking out for you and youfind out he really wasn't Um. Yeah,22000:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.240so a little quote. Not Tappedthis into my phone a couple of22100:15:50.240 --> 00:15:54.279months ago, just I was thinkingthese things through, because this is something22200:15:54.320 --> 00:15:56.519you're always going to deal with inministry, is trying to disciple people and22300:15:56.600 --> 00:16:00.200encourage people not to be offended witheach other and also not to deal with22400:16:00.200 --> 00:16:04.759offense in your own heart. Andessentially, here's the quote. The people22500:16:04.840 --> 00:16:08.519closed to see you have the abilityto hurt you the most with the least22600:16:08.519 --> 00:16:11.279amount of effort. Yeah, andthat's true. That's the reality. Well,22700:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.600they know you, they know youthe best. So they know if,22800:16:14.639 --> 00:16:19.039if the offense is purposeful, theyknow what it takes to they know22900:16:19.159 --> 00:16:23.360the buttons. And if it's not, Um uh, you know something that23000:16:23.399 --> 00:16:29.840they are intentionally doing. It hurtsbecause you just expect them. You they23100:16:29.879 --> 00:16:36.919should, they should be more careful. So so the the big danger,23200:16:37.440 --> 00:16:41.320the biggest danger of dwelling an offenseis that it moves into the next stage,23300:16:41.399 --> 00:16:47.960which is that root of bitterness.And when you're when you're hurt,23400:16:48.080 --> 00:16:55.600uh, what takes over is yourown pride has been wounded and it quickly23500:16:55.679 --> 00:17:02.080becomes the source of a hardened heart. And that hard it in heart then23600:17:03.360 --> 00:17:10.160is not willing to repent from thathardness of their own heart. They're not23700:17:10.200 --> 00:17:14.799willing to forgive. First of all. They're not willing to repent of the23800:17:14.880 --> 00:17:18.640need to forgive, and therefore theywill not be healed from the offense.23900:17:18.880 --> 00:17:25.200And I thought that was interesting.To the offender, whether it was purposeful24000:17:25.319 --> 00:17:30.599or not, is really not theone that is in the deeper sin,24100:17:30.720 --> 00:17:34.160in a sense, because it's theone who has been offended who is now24200:17:34.240 --> 00:17:41.319refusing forgiveness, when we have allbeen forgiven of so much, that is24300:17:41.400 --> 00:17:45.319now causing it to turn into somuch more than what it should have turned24400:17:45.359 --> 00:17:49.599into. Yeah, I mean,Jesus did say that if you don't forgive,24500:17:49.960 --> 00:17:53.319then you will not be forgiven.We need to take that very seriously.24600:17:53.599 --> 00:18:00.680There's something heavy and something really importantabout this forgiveness. The UM I'm24700:18:00.680 --> 00:18:03.240gonna read the Scripture. This isin Hebrews, Chapter Twelve and uh be24800:18:03.559 --> 00:18:08.200verse fifteen, where it talks abouta root of bitterness. This is a24900:18:08.240 --> 00:18:14.119new King James version. It says, looking carefully lest anyone falls short of25000:18:14.119 --> 00:18:18.559the grace of God less any rootof bitterness springing up cause trouble, and25100:18:18.599 --> 00:18:23.480by this many become defiled. Sothis offense that can lead to a root25200:18:23.559 --> 00:18:29.960of bitterness doesn't just hurt you,but it can hurt people around you.25300:18:30.400 --> 00:18:33.839And this happens when you're offended bysomeone, then you do that spiritualized gossip25400:18:33.920 --> 00:18:40.359and you kind of build your ownteam against that person and many become defiled.25500:18:40.400 --> 00:18:42.039Some of the worst offense, ifyou think about it, that we25600:18:42.079 --> 00:18:45.720can deal with, is offense thatwe take on behalf of other people.25700:18:45.200 --> 00:18:49.960You know, if somebody hurts yourhusband or your kid, that's that's the25800:18:51.160 --> 00:18:53.720next level, as opposed to themhurting you. Right if they hurt you25900:18:55.240 --> 00:18:56.079a lot of times, you know, you can deal with it, you26000:18:56.079 --> 00:19:00.279can move on, but if theyhurt someone else and you take off fense26100:19:00.720 --> 00:19:03.079for that person, it's hard foryou to let that go. So we26200:19:03.160 --> 00:19:07.200have to guard our hearts against,if we get offended, sharing that offense26300:19:07.240 --> 00:19:11.839with others, that that route ofbitterness with other people, because even though26400:19:11.880 --> 00:19:15.240we might end up releasing it andgetting, you know, being giving forgiveness26500:19:15.279 --> 00:19:18.160to the person that offended us,the people that we got around us,26600:19:18.200 --> 00:19:22.319there's many that were defiled. Theyhave a hard time getting over that.26700:19:22.519 --> 00:19:26.640Exactly you've defiled others. So there'sanother verse that Um was in the book,26800:19:26.680 --> 00:19:30.880Matthew, actually three verses. That'sthe same subject, the same Um.26900:19:32.160 --> 00:19:36.039Thing that you're trying to point outis that offense leads to terrible consequences27000:19:36.240 --> 00:19:41.960and another scripture that points that out. As Matthew Ten to thirteen. Do27100:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.240you have that there? Can You? Can you read that? Yeah,27200:19:44.240 --> 00:19:47.400it says, and then many willbe offended and we'll betray one another and27300:19:47.440 --> 00:19:51.599we'll hate one another. Then manyfalse prophets will rise up and deceive many27400:19:51.680 --> 00:19:53.960and because lawlessness will abound, thelove of many will grow cold. But27500:19:55.039 --> 00:19:57.799he who endures to the end shallbe saved. So look at that progression.27600:19:57.960 --> 00:20:03.920To me this was just shows theseriousness of offense. It leads to27700:20:04.559 --> 00:20:15.359betrayal, hatred, false profits,deception, lawlessness, love growing cold.27800:20:17.000 --> 00:20:22.880All of that from an offense.And so it's not from the offense,27900:20:22.279 --> 00:20:30.160it's from the one who has beenoffended. It wasn't the offense that set28000:20:30.200 --> 00:20:36.400off this terrible series of sin,it was the one who was offended who28100:20:36.480 --> 00:20:42.119didn't deal with it appropriately. SoI think that shows how incredibly important it28200:20:42.200 --> 00:20:48.079is to deal with offense. Andsomething else that you had said is is,28300:20:48.119 --> 00:20:55.000you know, you Uh spiritualized prayer, you can also spiritualized scripture.28400:20:55.240 --> 00:20:59.440And what I mean is, well, it wasn't my idea, actually it28500:20:59.480 --> 00:21:03.759was John Fears. Is Is thatyou can take scripture to support your position28600:21:03.839 --> 00:21:07.440of why you're offended. There's allthere probably is. If it's a legitimate28700:21:07.480 --> 00:21:11.480offense, you will be able tofind scripture to support it. But without28800:21:11.559 --> 00:21:17.519the love of God. To balancethat, that scripture is being used as28900:21:17.519 --> 00:21:22.119a weapon and to further your ownoffense, your own sense of being offended.29000:21:22.559 --> 00:21:29.559Yeah, I will say this thatyou have to as a believer in29100:21:29.640 --> 00:21:34.000Jesus, because we're primarily talking aboutCo believers in Jesus right, fellow believers29200:21:34.000 --> 00:21:37.839in Jesus, and you're being offendedby people on your team, your sidewalk29300:21:37.880 --> 00:21:44.279team or whatever ministry you're involved in. Um, you have to believe the29400:21:44.319 --> 00:21:48.400best about the people that you're inministry with, unless you have a large29500:21:48.519 --> 00:21:52.720body of evidence to the contrary.When Paul Talks about in First Corinthians,29600:21:52.759 --> 00:21:56.759chapter thirteen, he talks about loveand what love looks like, and one29700:21:56.799 --> 00:22:00.240of the things he says is thatlove believe us all things that could be29800:22:00.279 --> 00:22:06.720translated into love, believes the best. We have to believe the best about29900:22:06.720 --> 00:22:11.000our fellow brothers and sisters in theLord unless we're given a compelling reason to30000:22:11.039 --> 00:22:15.480believe otherwise, and then, ifwe have a compelling reason to believe otherwise,30100:22:15.880 --> 00:22:21.200we have to confront it. Wehave listen for for the love of30200:22:21.240 --> 00:22:25.799our brothers and sisters in the Lord. If there's an egregious sin and if30300:22:25.799 --> 00:22:29.680they're going around just offending everyone,right, because there are people like that30400:22:29.680 --> 00:22:33.640that just there there, brash,they're inconsiderate. There may be new believers30500:22:33.720 --> 00:22:38.119in Jesus and their relationship skills aren'tthe best. There needs to be a30600:22:38.119 --> 00:22:42.359confrontation rather than just that person offendingthis person that person and then just building30700:22:42.400 --> 00:22:47.640this team of people against them.You've got to address it between you and30800:22:47.680 --> 00:22:51.960them, for their sake, butalso for your sake, um, because30900:22:51.960 --> 00:22:55.079again, the devil would do agreat job of building a case against people31000:22:55.079 --> 00:22:57.839in their absence. In your mind, and if you don't decide to believe31100:22:57.880 --> 00:23:02.400the best about your brothers and sistersin the Lord, you're going to have31200:23:02.440 --> 00:23:06.599this perfect case against this person withouta really compelling evidence against him. It's31300:23:06.640 --> 00:23:08.759just stuff in your mind they didthis or did that, but it was31400:23:08.799 --> 00:23:12.559really not a compelling case that thatperson is in sin or whatever. I31500:23:12.599 --> 00:23:17.200honestly think that is one of themost important things that you have taught me,31600:23:17.279 --> 00:23:19.400Daniel, because I know you've toldyou've said that to me before many31700:23:19.440 --> 00:23:23.799times. Um to always believe thebest in others, and I do think31800:23:23.839 --> 00:23:30.960my natural tendency might not be andso because of that, I think I31900:23:30.039 --> 00:23:37.680do tend to Um take offense moreoften than I should, and I do32000:23:37.799 --> 00:23:42.160think that that's one of the antidotesto that is just assume the best in32100:23:42.160 --> 00:23:48.039in that person until you find outotherwise. Now that in Sidewalk Ministry,32200:23:48.079 --> 00:23:53.200I will tell you can can bea too hitch sword, because I tend32300:23:53.240 --> 00:24:03.440to assume the best of the MOMSI'm counseling and often times they don't deserve32400:24:03.519 --> 00:24:11.640that. Oftentimes they truly are lyingor deceiving or even outright using me or32500:24:11.680 --> 00:24:15.160our ministry for a purpose that iswrong. Well, that's one of the32600:24:15.200 --> 00:24:19.720reasons why I qualified it. Yeah, and I said you have to for32700:24:19.799 --> 00:24:22.720your brothers and sisters in the Lord. You have to believe the best.32800:24:22.839 --> 00:24:26.839Remember, these are people that areenduelled by the same Holy Spirit that you're32900:24:26.880 --> 00:24:30.440endueled by. Right, they arebelievers, they are brothers and sisters in33000:24:30.480 --> 00:24:34.359the Lord. You have to believethe best about them. Let me just33100:24:34.400 --> 00:24:38.240say this. You don't have anoption. You do not have an option33200:24:38.279 --> 00:24:41.359as a believer in Jesus, youdo not have the option to believe the33300:24:41.400 --> 00:24:45.920worst about your fellow brothers and sistersin the Lord. If you're if you33400:24:45.039 --> 00:24:48.839have that as a default, whereyou always believe the worst about people,33500:24:49.279 --> 00:24:52.759that's a problem in your heart.You need to deal with it. It's33600:24:52.759 --> 00:24:55.839probably because there's some things in yourheart that have not been dealt with.33700:24:56.559 --> 00:24:59.000Now, as it pertains to theto the men and women that we minister33800:24:59.079 --> 00:25:02.799at the abortion say or who arenot born again, we have to look33900:25:02.799 --> 00:25:06.039at the scenario. The reality isthey're they're going to take the life of34000:25:06.079 --> 00:25:08.599their child. We have to lookat our experiences that they consistently lie to34100:25:08.680 --> 00:25:14.039us. that it doesn't mean thatour position immediately is to believe the worst34200:25:14.039 --> 00:25:17.759about them, but we've got tokind of come with neutral ground as far34300:25:17.799 --> 00:25:22.240as that's concerned. Right, wegotta we gotta hear what they're saying through34400:25:22.279 --> 00:25:25.240that filter that there are people ata place about to take the life of34500:25:25.279 --> 00:25:29.720their baby and they could be lyingto us Um and so there is a34600:25:29.759 --> 00:25:33.039different approach that we have now,of course, the things that they're saying.34700:25:33.039 --> 00:25:37.200Again, the people that are closestto us have the the ability to34800:25:37.240 --> 00:25:38.920offend us the most with the leastamount of effort. Those people at the34900:25:38.920 --> 00:25:41.440abortion center, we don't know them, so they're not close to us.35000:25:41.799 --> 00:25:45.000So even if they're lying to usor whatever, it doesn't really offend us.35100:25:45.039 --> 00:25:48.039Is that we're not easily offended bythem. Normally, were easily offended35200:25:48.039 --> 00:25:52.720by the people are ministering with trueand and the people that uh that we35300:25:52.799 --> 00:26:00.119minister too. Oftentimes I don't takeoffense, even though I know I'm being35400:26:00.160 --> 00:26:04.400lied to, because of my expectations. My expectations are different for them.35500:26:04.480 --> 00:26:07.920I expect to be lied to.I do expect their women in crisis or35600:26:07.920 --> 00:26:12.240people in crisis, and I knowthat people in crisis often act in ways35700:26:12.279 --> 00:26:17.759that are are not great. SoI'm more charitable, I think, towards35800:26:17.799 --> 00:26:21.160them than I am exactly what yousaid towards loved ones. Are People that35900:26:21.240 --> 00:26:26.720I expect more from. So wehave a wonderful model for dealing with offense,36000:26:26.160 --> 00:26:30.480right. I mean there's lots,there's lots of biblical models, but,36100:26:30.559 --> 00:26:34.640as in so many times, thebest model, and every time the36200:26:34.680 --> 00:26:41.240best model, is Jesus and howdealt with offense, because he certainly had36300:26:41.319 --> 00:26:47.720to face a lot of people offendingin his ministry. Yeah, absolutely.36400:26:47.960 --> 00:26:52.680I mean we're talking about the veryson of God, the one who made36500:26:52.720 --> 00:26:56.319all things, the one for whomall things were made, the Lord of36600:26:56.319 --> 00:27:00.839Glory, the King of Majesty.If anyone could rightly take offense and be36700:27:00.920 --> 00:27:06.480offended, it could be Jesus.Right. Oftentimes we're offended because we think36800:27:06.480 --> 00:27:10.480more highly of ourselves than we oughtto. Jesus couldn't think more highly of36900:27:10.519 --> 00:27:12.160himself than you ought to, becausehe's the highest one of all right.37000:27:14.359 --> 00:27:19.039And yet you see in Jesus Ministrynow, he certainly confronts the Pharisees.37100:27:19.079 --> 00:27:23.319They say offensive things about him andto him, but notice how he doesn't37200:27:23.359 --> 00:27:27.079just talk about them behind their backs, but he confronts them to their faces.37300:27:27.160 --> 00:27:30.960And when it happens it's immediate.Yeah, he deals with it.37400:27:30.039 --> 00:27:33.359He doesn't foster like hatred in hisheart or anything. He deals with it37500:27:33.359 --> 00:27:38.599immediately. Now, let's not forgetJesus Christ died for the Pharisees as well.37600:27:40.240 --> 00:27:44.359Right, so he didn't hold bitternessin his heart and withhold good,37700:27:44.400 --> 00:27:48.119because that's ultimately what happens when youhold bitterness or offense in your heart.37800:27:48.119 --> 00:27:51.480It becomes a reader bitterness. Youend up with holding good from the people37900:27:51.559 --> 00:27:53.720that you should do good to.We end up doing the very thing Jesus38000:27:53.720 --> 00:27:56.640said not to do when we're offendedand we have a root of bitterness.38100:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.559You know how it says that weshould do unto others as we would have38200:28:00.599 --> 00:28:03.079them to do unto us. Whenwe get bitterness and offense in our hearts,38300:28:03.160 --> 00:28:07.160we oftentimes do the opposite. Right, we do we try to get38400:28:07.200 --> 00:28:11.720back at them, and often underhandedwaste, often underhanded waste. They left38500:28:11.799 --> 00:28:15.799us out of a conversation or whatever. I'M gonna leave them out of the38600:28:15.400 --> 00:28:18.599passive aggressive, but we won't callit. Yeah, they called out over38700:28:18.640 --> 00:28:22.200top of me at the Sidewalker,they handed out literature in front of me38800:28:22.680 --> 00:28:25.640at the driveway, and so I'mgonna Start doing it in front of them.38900:28:25.759 --> 00:28:27.839Um, you know, whatever itmight be, it's the opposite of39000:28:27.880 --> 00:28:30.640what Jesus called us to do,and it's the opposite of what Jesus did.39100:28:32.559 --> 00:28:37.000He had all kinds of reasons andjustifications to be offended, but ultimately,39200:28:37.000 --> 00:28:40.319what does he do? He goesto a cross and he dies for39300:28:40.359 --> 00:28:45.680those very people. Think about this. Okay, John Chapter Thirteen, when39400:28:45.759 --> 00:28:52.119Jesus watches his washes his disciples feet. WHO's in that room? Judas,39500:28:52.200 --> 00:28:55.319the very one that betrayed him,the very one. If, if Jesus39600:28:55.359 --> 00:28:59.400wanted to be wanted to be offendedand hold a root of bitterness against anyone39700:28:59.720 --> 00:29:03.000and be perfectly justified in doing soin the eyes of the world, it39800:29:03.039 --> 00:29:06.279would be Judas, the one whobetrayed him. Jesus knew he was going39900:29:06.319 --> 00:29:10.359to betray him. Jesus knew allthe things that Judas was gonna do that40000:29:10.440 --> 00:29:12.240will set in his heart to doright. There was already in motion that40100:29:12.279 --> 00:29:15.799he was gonna be betrayed by Jesus. What does Jesus do? Washes the40200:29:15.839 --> 00:29:21.720guy's feet. Right. And soif we're gonna come with the heart of40300:29:21.799 --> 00:29:25.039Jesus and we're gonna live after theexample of Jesus, we've got to be40400:29:25.039 --> 00:29:29.240willing to wash the feet of peoplethat offend us. We've got to be40500:29:29.240 --> 00:29:32.640willing to do what Jesus did,and he says, even from the cross,40600:29:32.720 --> 00:29:34.839what what's what's his word, father, a whole offense against them.40700:29:34.839 --> 00:29:40.119So strike them all down dead.Surprisingly now he could have it. He40800:29:40.119 --> 00:29:44.240would have been. What does hesay from the Cross, father, forgive40900:29:44.319 --> 00:29:47.400them for they don't know what they'redoing. What does he decide to do?41000:29:47.519 --> 00:29:51.680To believe the best about them?They're they're deceived, they don't know41100:29:51.720 --> 00:29:55.079what they're doing. And so hewhat does he do? He puts it41200:29:55.119 --> 00:29:56.880in the hands of God, andI think that will kind of wrap this41300:29:56.960 --> 00:30:02.319thing up for us, as youand this are cool Um, talk about41400:30:02.440 --> 00:30:07.400some things that we can do insteadof having offense, and the first thing41500:30:07.720 --> 00:30:11.680is to trust God to right thewrong. So important, absolutely. It41600:30:11.759 --> 00:30:15.119just takes so much stress off ofyou. God sees it all, God41700:30:15.240 --> 00:30:18.880knows it all, everything will bemade right. We Are we are promised41800:30:18.920 --> 00:30:23.200that. Yeah, yeah, leaveit in the Lord's hands. Oftentimes we're41900:30:23.200 --> 00:30:27.079offended when we get lift out ofstuff or whatever, because we think that42000:30:27.119 --> 00:30:32.599we deserve a certain position. Yeah, let God put you in that position.42100:30:33.200 --> 00:30:36.680Don't try to put yourself in thatposition. By holding offense and talking42200:30:36.720 --> 00:30:41.160about people behind their backs, orleave it in the hands of the Lord.42300:30:41.359 --> 00:30:45.759The Lord will lift you up.The Bible says that God will take42400:30:45.880 --> 00:30:48.240the low places and lift them upin the high places and bring them low.42500:30:48.559 --> 00:30:52.920Let God deal with that stuff andprayer, unlike the prayer you described42600:30:52.960 --> 00:30:56.640where you the gossip prayer, prayerto God in the midst of your offense42700:30:56.759 --> 00:31:00.200is perfectly appropriate to say help me, help me through this, help me42800:31:00.240 --> 00:31:06.279to know what to do and andrely on him absolutely Um. So,42900:31:06.640 --> 00:31:12.640continuing on this list, love othersand forgive. Listen, forgiveness is not43000:31:12.839 --> 00:31:19.559just a feeling. Okay, forgivenessis something you do cognitively. I'm going43100:31:19.599 --> 00:31:23.759to decide, even though I'm offendedat this person, I'm going to forgive43200:31:23.799 --> 00:31:30.440them now. That forgiveness oftentimes isstarted. The beginning of that forgiveness is43300:31:30.480 --> 00:31:34.599confronting the thing that offended you anddealing with it. Right, Um,43400:31:34.640 --> 00:31:38.039but you've got to decide to forgive. You don't have an option. That43500:31:38.200 --> 00:31:42.160is that is a non negotiable.You have no option. God has given43600:31:42.160 --> 00:31:45.680you no option if you're going toremain a Christian. God has given you43700:31:45.720 --> 00:31:49.799no option to hold unforgiveness against people. That's it. That's right. And43800:31:49.960 --> 00:31:55.440a whole different podcast is the differencebetween Um, the need for forgiveness,43900:31:55.440 --> 00:31:59.559and the need to reconcile. Youdon't have to be reconciled necessarily in terms44000:31:59.640 --> 00:32:05.079of Um, like an ongoing relationship. If if the offense is truly damaging,44100:32:05.319 --> 00:32:07.920toxic, but you are required toforget, you have to forgive them44200:32:07.920 --> 00:32:13.799in your heart. You have toUm, and then you can learn things44300:32:13.839 --> 00:32:16.799from these trials that come. Nodoubt about it, God can use the44400:32:16.839 --> 00:32:22.079offense, the root of bitterness,His grace, if you get over and44500:32:22.119 --> 00:32:25.839release it to him. And forgivenessGod can use is the help you grow.44600:32:25.440 --> 00:32:29.039Right, you think about it,if anyone can be offended, it44700:32:29.039 --> 00:32:31.480could be God offended at us becauseof our sin. But what does he44800:32:31.519 --> 00:32:36.240do? He chooses to forgive.And so you can learn to be more44900:32:36.279 --> 00:32:40.319like Jesus as you choose to forgiveand and Jesus is the perfect example of45000:32:40.440 --> 00:32:45.839learning obedience in a trial. Imean he went to the cross. He45100:32:45.880 --> 00:32:51.359was completely obedient to the father's willin that and we know that it's not45200:32:51.400 --> 00:32:57.039necessarily what he wanted to do.It said he sweated drops a blood,45300:32:57.319 --> 00:33:00.000you know, in the garden thenight before. So it was it was45400:33:00.039 --> 00:33:04.359not a pleasant task in front ofhim, but he completely obeyed God.45500:33:04.599 --> 00:33:07.920Yeah, yeah, yeah, andas an example to all of us,45600:33:07.680 --> 00:33:15.000Jesus was a man full of forgivenessand ready to release any offense or bitterness.45700:33:15.079 --> 00:33:19.559He didn't have a root of bitternessand uh, the the example of45800:33:19.640 --> 00:33:22.640Jesus is the pinnacle of how weshould live and how we should operate in45900:33:22.720 --> 00:33:25.599ministry. There's a few other thingson this list. I would encourage you46000:33:25.640 --> 00:33:29.519guys to get a hold of thisarticle. It'll be on the sidewalks for46100:33:29.559 --> 00:33:32.960life website and equipping articles also.Can I encourage you guys again, I'm46200:33:34.000 --> 00:33:37.200not trying to sell books or anythinglike that. You don't make any money46300:33:37.200 --> 00:33:39.880off no commission of I don't evenknow John bravere although I'd love to meet46400:33:39.920 --> 00:33:44.799the guy. Um, that bookdebate of Satan is so important. I46500:33:44.799 --> 00:33:46.920would encourage all of you guys,with all of your teams, if you46600:33:46.960 --> 00:33:50.519can do it, to go throughthat book with your teams, because not46700:33:50.559 --> 00:33:52.359only does it talk about how todeal with offense that you might have in46800:33:52.400 --> 00:33:55.799your heart currently, but it alsotalks about how to guard against it.46900:33:55.799 --> 00:34:00.599It's not a super long book.Um. You know, there may be47000:34:00.799 --> 00:34:05.400some things in there that offend you. He deals with stuff really forthrightly and47100:34:05.680 --> 00:34:07.239you might get offended by some ofthe things that he says in the ways47200:34:07.280 --> 00:34:10.440that he says them. But youneed it. We need to we need47300:34:10.480 --> 00:34:14.440to deal with the things that arein our hearts so that we can help47400:34:14.480 --> 00:34:16.119others deal with things in their hearts. Right, can't give what you don't47500:34:16.159 --> 00:34:20.760have. So if we're bound ourselvesin bitterness and unforgiveness, how are we47600:34:20.760 --> 00:34:23.360going to help these MOMS that alot of times are bound in bitterness and47700:34:23.440 --> 00:34:28.599unforgiveness? And how are we gonnahelp encourage each other? Right? So47800:34:28.599 --> 00:34:30.840I encourage you, guys. Um, I appreciate you listen to this episode.47900:34:30.840 --> 00:34:35.000Hopefully it was a blessing to youand I want to encourage you guys48000:34:35.039 --> 00:34:37.400to share this episode with your team'sshare this episode with others who would be48100:34:37.440 --> 00:34:42.079blessed by it. I think thisis a vital subject and I think the48200:34:42.119 --> 00:34:45.679devil will use offense to tear apartministries. I've seen him do it.48300:34:45.840 --> 00:34:50.039I've seen him tear apart whole churchesbecause of offense, and so, inasmuch48400:34:50.079 --> 00:34:52.559as it depends on us, let'slet's forgive. Let us not walk in48500:34:52.639 --> 00:34:58.960offense and bitterness and disillusionment and UH, please share this episode with others,48600:34:58.960 --> 00:35:01.559as I said, and please leaveus a review. We won't be offended48700:35:01.559 --> 00:35:06.199if you don't, but we'd beblessed if you will reach out to me,48800:35:06.280 --> 00:35:08.559Daniel a love life dot Org,if you have suggestions for future episodes48900:35:08.639 --> 00:35:12.880or maybe comments about this particular episode. You reach out to Vicky, Vicky49000:35:12.880 --> 00:35:15.159with a Y I, Love LifeDot Org. We'd love to hear from49100:35:15.199 --> 00:35:17.280you, but until next time,God bless God, bless you all.49200:35:20.440 --> 00:35:32.519Give me our love for love,give me our love for gratitude. I49300:35:32.639 --> 00:35:42.960know it will cost me my life. Nothing's too precious. And some met you