How To Follow Up When They Choose Life

0:00 I Am Yours, I am yours, I am yours and me. Welcome to the Gospel Center pro life podcast. When a mom chooses life at the abortion center, of course we want to follow up with her, minister to her and get her plug into a local church and resources, and this episode we talk about how to do that, some general principles we think will encourage and equip you. Stay tuned. I felt show Passish, touch your use me. Welcome to the Gospel centered pro life podcast. Appreciate you guys joining us and, as always, appreciate if you guys would share this podcast, share this episode, share just the podcast in general, all the episodes.

0:45 I think we're at like a hundred and something here, zipping along, hundred two, hundred three, maybe even hundred four. Yeah, we're up there in the hug around. Yeah, we're doing this for a while and there's a lot of episodes covering a lot of subjects. We try to cover subjects that really would equip and train you guys for Sidewalk Ministry and other areas of pro life ministry as well, but really sidewalk ministry with a focus on the Gospel, for sure. And in this episode we want to cover something that we hope, will hope will be equipping for you guys. Not just about because we're not just pro berther's, or not just about being at the abortion center, but we're about following up. When a mom chooses life. Our goal is we want to get her plugged into a church. That's our ultimate goal. We want her discipled and the Lord. Yeah, so we don't want to just say hey, choose life for your baby so you later.

1:37 We want her plugged in. We want that cycle of sin and death that she's caught up in, that we were caught up in at one time in our lives exactly, to be broken, right, and we know that cycle is broken by the follow up and by ultimately getting plugged into a local church, getting discipleship, mentoring all that stuff. So we're going to talk about what that looks like. A MOM has chosen life at the abortion center. You applied some of the other awesome principles that we gave you that are really from the word of God, right, and from our experiences, and she chose life and she cut a hundred eighty degree turn and not going into the abortion center, she's choosing a life, she's leaving and what do you do at that? Right? How do you handle that? She's coming out of the parking lot and I couldn't do it. How do you how do you take it from there? Right? Well, there's a whole bunch of things, yeah, that that need to happen. In the first thing to recognize, as many women do make that initial choice for life, but if there is not follow up, and sometimes even if there is, they still return, yeah, to a board, and we're actually going to talk about that on another podcast what to do in that case. Yeah. But so the first thing to recognize is they're returning immediately to the situation that they left and nothing has changed yet. Yeah, right. So, so we're we're just in this podcast. We're just going to give some general, general principles about what what are we going to do generally over the next few days, weeks

3:08 to ultimately get them linked up with a with a mentor or with a church and hopefully on a path right back to God. Yeah, so the first thing to remember is that those first hours and days are really critical. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, because, like you said, she's going to go back into that same situation. Just because she chose live at the abortion center doesn't mean that her boyfriend that was pressure or to have the abortion is now going to be on board with her having the baby? Right, he might threaten her even more because she's decided not to. So. So actually the stresses may even increase. Yeah, as opposed. So she needs someone to help affirm that choice for life, and that someone is likely going to be you. So, yeah, will counselor yeah, you're not going to be able to do that. So I want to I want to kind of give before we get into these kind of broader or even more deep principles, just practical principles of again, she's stopped in the driveway on the way out.

4:06 I couldn't do it. How do you take it from there's what's that look like? Yeah, okay. Well, the first thing that I would do is hand her the literature with my name and number on it. Save this is me. My name is Vicki. I am here to help you, and you may call this number at any time, day or night, when I'm sleeping my phones off. Don't ever be worried about waking me up. I will get back to you as soon as I wake up. Yeah, so I make sure she knows she may contact me and and give her my number. If I am with it, which some days I'm not, I get her number. Yeah, I'll often say, let me send you a text to make sure that you have my number. So that's the tricky way. Yeah, in case they're yeah, okay, in case they're a little bit worried about giving my number. I don't always remember to do this, but it's so good if you can, and usually they'll give it to me.

4:58 Yeah, and or they'll let me send them a text and then I will say where I we give them a blessing bag and if what that is, it's just a small gift bag with various baby stuff to remind them of the choice for life, baby bottles, blankets, things like that. And and then I tell her briefly, hey, can you pull over and let me talk with you about the the resources that we have that can help you? Right, so that right from the get go she's got my name and number, I've got her name and number. She's already got something tangible that she's can hold and drive home looking at that reminds her the baby. We also put a Bible in there. Yeah, and then the with the promise of more to come. That there's more resources to come, and then I let her know I'm going to be calling her probably that afternoon to discuss in further detail all the help we can offer. So it's a conversation hopefully she wants to have and she's more likely to pick up the phone. I'm not going to go. I almost never say and then I'm going to be sharing the Gospel with you, even though that is fully my intention, but I know that that would probably scare away yes, to the women and they might not let me, they might not pick up the phone right yeah, so that's the immediate practical stuff that I do. Yeah, it's that kind of what you do. That's what I do. I got typically will try to get their phone number, because if you just give them your phone number and you leave it on them, a lot of times either they're going to lose it or just like they're not going to do it. So if I can get them in the moment, right there, and typically I'll do it with

6:29 the with the men, but I'll do it with the ladies too, and I'll even say hey, can I have my wife follow up with you later or can I think you follow with you later? Yeah, kind of push those off on the women more. Yeah, it's just, you know, one look like stalker exactly, but it's not totally inappropriate to follow up. But I would get their phone number. I would right there, as I'm on my phone, I'd say, what's your number? I will text them. You've put their phone number in the text thing, you know, and then put my name there. Yeah, your parks, boom, hand it out to him. Right that way, they've got my number, I've got their's. And then later on in the day, probably if this happened in the morning, late afternoon, early evening, something like that, shoot him a text and just say, Hey, this is Daniel, this is the guy you met at the abortion center, or might not say abortion center, I might say I prefer woman's Hill Center or something like that, or the women's clinic or something, so that it's not so kind of out there, I guess. Okay, somebody else is looking at their phone, sure, and just wondering how things are going and just letting you know we're here and we're praying for you. So I'm just putting it out there. I've already talked about, like you you mentioned. I've already talked about the stuff that we can do to help, and they've likely already told me what were their needs right. So I don't need to reach back out and find out what their needs are and I don't need to reach back out and find in tell them, hey, we're going to help. You've already told them that we would. I'm just going to reach back out to touch base with them and let them know that I'm praying for them, basically let them know that I care. Yeah, exactly, and I will. I will add to that.

8:00 I often send a verse. I often pick a verse that I really think is an appropriate verse and say, I hope this is an encouragement to you, right, so that I'm again introducing the idea of God. The people that this podcast is going out too may or may not have mentorship programs, may not be involved with love life, but if you are, if you have a church backing, if you have mentors, it's really important to sign them up, yeah, for that mentorship program as soon as possible. I know we've talked about this many times on podcast. They have an they had an appointment with death. Yeah, and they're so funny. So many times I will hear women say, I got to go, I have an appointment? Yeah, and the same they have an appointment with death when they're going in for an abortion. But this same that same mindset that I've not an appointment. I need to keep the appointment. Can work with you and with the choice for life if you can set up an appointment. Yeah, with the mentor. Yeah. So, so get them signed up right for the mentor as as a huge call them later on in that day. That's actually not just text them and encouraging text or something. I'm praying for you, but R I would just you call him and say, Hey, let me set you up with the mentor program I would. And two things.

9:11 One other thing I wanted to mention. When you said text, I definitely would text in terms of that first little thing that you're that little nudge and are you doing well, because it's so much less intrusive than a phone call or even an email, and many people don't check email, but almost everyone should. Sees that text and making it so that they don't necessarily have to respond. Sometimes I figured having it just show care without asking questions is good because then they they don't feel put on the spot. And then the the next thing is is to yeah, I set them up with a mentor as as soon as possible. If when you have stopped them, you said, sometimes you already know the main issues. Right. Usually I know one maybe, but not always. Actually, I don't always get that information. I will often ask what changed your mind, because I want to be able to use that down the road right in counseling them, because if it changed their mind once, hopefully it'll continue to change their mind. But, um, but I don't, I I don't often ask what the obstacles are until later, right in a more extended conversation, which I hope to have later that day. Okay, but anyway, who the counselor needs to stay in touch until the mentor is appointed or until you have followed up with a church or someone who is plugged into this woman's life. And if you don't have like you mentioned, if you don't have love life in your area and you're just

10:41 getting this podcast as an individuals out there, maybe under your local church or whatever, I can guarantee you there are people within your local church that would be willing to and maybe they can't go out to the sidewalk, but they'd be willing to raise their hand and say I will walk alongside a mom that chooses life. Yeah, that's one of the ways that you can build relationships with churches actually is reach out to churches and say, and you know, all I'm looking for is for people, I would normally say, older women in your congregation that come alongside a young lady that chooses life for her baby. Do you have anybody like that? So, if I was building a brand new relationship with a pastor, yeah, that's like one of the asks that I would give. Do you have an older lady in your congregation that you that comes to the forefront of your mind, that would disciple and walk alongside a young lady that chooses life out here on the sidewalk right? Yeah, and make that connection. Let it be an organic connection. Doesn't necessarily have to be. And we've got like a mentor agreement and stuff that we work through because we want to there to be an understanding for the the Woman Who's being mentor and then the mentor, the ones who's doing the mentory right, so that there's some kind of agreement there. We just found that to be really helpful to help solidify that relationship and the expectation to the expectations are set makes it official and all that stuff doesn't necessarily have to be like that.

11:58 It can just be an organic thing that happens as you make that connection, when that got will say, though, the temptation for us being on the sidewalk is for us to do all of the follow up, all of the mentoring, all of the relationship building, and one of the reasons why we set up the mental a program is so that the sidewalk counselors don't get burned out, because you can do everything, you try to do everything and you'll do nothing well. Right. So handing off to a mentor is really important, and so that that handing off can become difficult because remember the woman, I know we've said this before, considers that first person who threw a lifeline, which is the counselor. Yeah, they're like their best buddy.

12:39 Yeah, they recognize that that person really saved them from a disastrous choice. Yeah, and sometimes it's very hard to transfer their trust from the counselor to the mentor. This, sooner it happens the better. A group text is a good way to do it, yeah, or a group email where, or even a group call, facetime call. I usually do a group text where you're introducing them to the mentor, and it helps if the counselor who has originally counsel that woman already has a good idea of the obstacles that the woman cases. So you're going to get that, hopefully within the next couple days. So tell me about your situation, what it is that you're facing that we can help with. Tell me all your issues, and I'll say that tell me everything you're facing that is of concern and while doing that, be careful never to promise really anything, but for sure don't promise what you can't provide. Yeah, be sure that if you're going to make a promise, you know that you will be able to provide that. The last thing that woman needs is a betrayal, which she's often probably had a lot of betrayal in her life, including the father of the baby who is probably telling her to aboard. Yeah, so you want to be very careful to promise carefully. So, so that's one of the main points that you want to be sure that you know the obstacles, maybe even know some of the resources.

14:03 Yeah, in the area. Pregnancy Resource Center is one of the most key to know in the area and then you can share that with the mentor and then let her know, because you're providing hope as the middle person before she's transferred to the mentor. You're keeping her hopeful. Yeah, so that she doesn't end up back at the abortion center in that inner room. Yeah, before there's someone that can disciple and follow her. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So, as in so many of our podcast introduce God. Introduce God right away, and I don't know how you do it. I I often just say you've just made a really amazing choice for life, and I will I will often say what is the most valuable thing that you can give your child? They almost always say love. Yeah, and I say love is really important, but you know what, I think there's something even more important, and they're usually intrigued because I think of what could be more important.

15:03 They they'll sometimes say money. Right, no, not money. God, and and then they'll usually agree with me and I'll say what can I talk with you about God, and then that can begin to introduce. That's that's often my introduction. Yeah, how I will share the Gospel, which I try to do within that first day or two. Yeah, we always want to, like it's not like we're requiring them to respond positive positively to conversation about Jesus or when we share the Gospel, like to get our resources. You have to be you have to give your life to Jesus or anything like that. But we do want them to understand that all of the things that we're doing, because we're helping them with a lot of stuff, baby shower mentor program connection with local resources and all that stuff, right, all of that flows out of our love for Jesus in his love for them.

15:54 So we're always we're always talking about the Lord, we're always talking about what God you just bringing God into the equation. Yeah, Um, and of course the point, like the whole point of while we're out here, the whole point of why we're encouraging you to choose life, is because what God says about your baby and what God says about you and reiterating God's love for them and God's love for their baby and helping solidifies their thinking about because again, they're going back into a potentially a catastrophic situation, Yep, to help build a fortification of hope for them, which, you know, God, God, calls himself the God of hope. Right. Fill you with all joy and peace and believing, and so we want to build this fortification of hope around them, and we do that about talking about the Lord, to talking about his faithfulness, talking about his goodness, and so just continuing to talk about that is really helpful and help her not to come back. I agree to totally ID and I it's I think it's even more critical in someone who's wobbly for the choice of life that you're saying this is a shaky save.

17:00 That's what we call him, shaky savee. I'm not sure she's not super convicted for the choice of life. Yeah, so the Gospel is really critical. But I do the point you made about make sure that they know that our resources are not linked to any decision they might make regarding Jesus. I flat out just say that. I say I want you to know I'm going to talk with you about the Lord because exactly what you said, this is why I do what what I do. This way our ministry exists is because God has has told us we need to be out here and it is out of our love for him that we are trying to minister to you and help you. But I want you to know, no matter what you feel about God or whether you make a decision to follow Christ or not, it will in no way affect whether we help you or not. Yeah, and so I think if you say that right from the beginning, you make sure there's no misunderstanding that we're trading acceptance of Jesus, submitting your life to Jesus for goodies, because that would be a very terrible message, right. Yeah.

18:03 Yeah, so if she does respond by submitting her life to the Lord, which actually happens not infrequently, then it's important to follow up with the church. Yeah, and or at least offer a church or find a church that that's willing to walk alongside her. Yeah, absolutely. And course the ultimate desires that the mentor would be you one to invite her to church, right and sits beside her at church. I mean that's happened several times here in Charlotte and some of our other cities. Yeah, that's ultimate desire. But I think getting them to a church often times these least for me, since some out there on Saturdays a lot. Yeah, it's like the next day, right, the next day is Sunday, and so I'll invite them to church with me. Yeah, just to leave that door open, like would you come to church with us or you can sit with our family?

19:00 Yeah, and so beget them pluged into a church is, of course, really important press that discipleship piece that they need. Yeah, and a very important general principle. If she doesn't respond, keep trying, don't give up. It is not uncommon for them not to respond. First of all, sometimes they're going home to total chaos other children. Yeah, they work a lot, often times, sometimes really not very desirable jobs that are made late into the night or whatever, earlier early in the morning. So if she doesn't respond, it doesn't necessarily mean that she's given up on the baby or that she doesn't want you to interact with her. Right, don't give up.

19:42 That is such an important point. Keep trying, keep trying to to reach her. Yeah, I have seen that so many times when I have been on the brink of giving up and then just I feel God nudge me don't, don't give up, and it's that next time that I reach out that she reaches back. Yeah. So absolutely, really, really important if she expresses doubt and wavering and I'm I've had that happened a lot too. Yeah, and so sometimes a text is not enough. Especially if they say I've made an appointment, we're going back, and I have then often said would you meet me for lunch? Yeah, they often will. Yeah, I say I'll ay. They get a free launch and and there's an opportunity facetoface, which is probably always better if you've really got a a continuing abortion to try, and so investing personally in them, as it does take time and effort, and ideally a mentor would be doing that. But if there is not a mentor yet assigned, or maybe she has flat out refused to mentor, I think sometimes we are called to go that extra mile because that baby's life is on the line. Yeah, absolutely, so open build that relationship and helping. Just let her see that you care for her outside of the scenario at the abortion center. That's right, you are there for her.

21:11 Again, the ultimate desires that a mentor would do this. Yeah, the body of Christ working together, different pieces, you know, the side will counsel with the Mentor, the Churches, all that working together. Yeah, but sometimes you've got a feel in, at least for a while. Yeah, with that you yeah, missing peace, which is that relational piece. Yeah, that's certainly biblical not to give up to persevere until you have gained the prize, and that's talking, of course, about eternal life. But the prize in this case is is the woman staying solid, yeah, in her choice for life and hopefully turning her life over to the Lord. And let's say she's got an a mentor, she has accepted a mentor.

21:52 Yeah, the next pitfall for the sidewalk counselor as you've just invested a lot in that woman. It may have only been two days worth, but it's a huge investment and to just shut that off is often very difficult for the sideball counselor and it to like then give her over entirely to the mentor. But you need to. Yeah, you need to. And and so the women also sometimes have a hard time just disconnecting from the counselor. And what we advise all of our counselors is you need to just say, have you talked to your mentor about this? When she continues to call you, which does happen again frequently, have you talked to your mentor about this? You need to contact your mentor and keep gently and kindly. Yeah, yeah, you know, man, jerk about it. Hey, I can't talk to you, I gotta be here on the sidewalk, but just let him know hey did so and so, especially if you know the mentors name or whatever.

22:41 It's so and so. Have you reached out of them, because they really would like to help you out with these things? Right. So, yeah, nice about it, but the best you can to kind of push him in that direction of the mentor. Yeah, you can't do it all. Yeah, much as you might want to. There have been times when it has been so difficult to connect the mom with the Mentor, and the Mentor is a great mentor and she's doing great things with the mom where I've had to tell counselors you're going to need to just not answer the phone. Right from there there does come a point of kind of tough love because ultimately you don't want them to end that with their trust in you. You're always transferring that trust with the ultimate goal that that trust is going to be in God. Yeah, and their accountability is going to be the local church.

23:26 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So those are kind of my main points. Okay, that that I've come up with in in my follow follow up. Maybe you have others. Those are the main things I think that I I try to make sure happen. Yeah, when I've got a a mom who has chosen life. Yeah, I mean I think we could certainly just be out there, and we did a podcast about this, where we'd be certainly justified and just standing out there and speaking against abortion, not offering any follow up. Yeah, we could certainly be justified in that because, after all, their killing children inside of there. You know, if there was a whole if there's a shooter going into the preschool and shooting up a whole preschool classroom of kids and if we pleaded with him not to shoot those children, we would be justified. And doing that without even offering any resource for him or for them or anybody, would right killing people. Right, we want to try to stop it. So that's true. We could be out there with just our voices and that's that's all. But how much better is it, when a mom chooses life, for us to be able to disciple her, for us to be able to plug her into a church and listen, here's the thing. This doesn't just serve that mom and that baby right, to serve to disciple her and to bring her up and her child up in the ways of the Lord but think of the blessing that is to that congregation that has a mom that has chosen life in their congregation. Yes, to be able to say, not not to point to her as a

24:56 prize, but just to be able to to say here's what the Lord has done. I've had the privilege of being a part of this story. So you just had that happen. I well, I don't know if you were out there yet, but in southern California I saw that there was something one five hundred people being baptized. Yeah, and and there were lots of photos on facebook of that. One of them was of a pregnant woman, very pregnant woman, yeah, who that church had discipled, mentored and had been saved from abortion. That baby had been to and and there they are as a church, gathering and baptizing her. I mean that is such an encouragement and inspiration to the church to do what God has called them to do.

25:37 Yeah, and you can better. You better believe there's more people, because of that, that want to mentor right, they want to do this this discipleship thing, walking alongside of mom that chose live. There're more people that want to be out there on the sidewalk to get trained up, to help moms like that to choose life, plug them into mentors and all right, right, and so it's really is can be actually a catalyst for the church rising up, in the church being stirred up, yeah, and and being the church, being the hands and feet of Jesus. That's what this is all about. There's no doubt that. When I talked with pastors and share stories, the actual stories of what happens out on the sidewalk and the six success stories, they are fired up and they want to be a part of that. So so this is a really important thing for the church, not just the sidebot counselors, but the whole church to be involved in. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, hopefully that was equipping for you guys and, as always, we want to put her email addresses out there for you guys to follow up with us and give us suggestions for podcast. Maybe have questions about this or other things that we've covered. You could reach out to me, Daniel at Love Life Dot Org. You can reach out to her, Vicki at Love Life Dot Org. We'd love to answer any questions that we can and I think that's it. So until next time, God bless God, bless y'all. Give our love for love, give me our love for gratitude.

27:17 I know it will cost me my life. Nothing's too precious in some