How to move from Compassion to Conviction

It is critical in Abortion Sidewalk outreach to have a compassionate and merciful view of the people we are ministering to. Our desire is that they would come talk with us so we would have the opportunity to share the gospel and create a new mindset towards their unborn child. While that can happen with purely convicting, and even harsh Bible truths, it is more likely that they will engage with us if we draw them to us through a mix of compassion and truth.

One of our counselors asked me recently how I move from the love of God (and people telling us they love God and He will forgive them) into helping them see that their love of God is inauthentic without the accompanying changed life and behavior. God is a God of love and righteousness!

So often when I ask people who are at the abortion center if they believe in God, they will say yes, they do. They are quick to point out that they love God and that He loves them and will forgive them just as He has forgiven all sin. There is a common disconnect in their understanding of the Lordship of Jesus and what that means to them as they stand ready to willfully disregard the 6th commandment.

How to flow from love of God to righteousness of God: Case Study

A recent true story I dealt with helps to illustrate how I navigate this issue. A woman was coming for an abortion and mistakenly pulled into our LoveLife property, which is next-door to the Abortion center property. She took our literature but actually was hoping for information about an abortion. She immediately told me that she had no choice but to have the abortion.

Step one: Ask questions to clarify situation

The first thing I do (and the first thing I did) is ask her why she feels she needs an abortion. This is very important in helping to guide the rest of my counseling. I can glean a lot of information by how she answers this question. It also sets the stage for building a trusting connection and helping her to know that I do care about her. I listened carefully to let her know that she was being heard. This is sometimes hard to do because none of us on the sidewalk believe that anything justifies abortion. Sometimes the reasons can make us downright angry. Nonetheless, it is important to listen, and if possible, put ourselves in that person’s shoes. Try to imagine the fear, the struggle, and the hardships. This does not mean we are agreeing with them that the situation justifies an abortion... we are agreeing that this makes their life feel unbearably difficult and is what is fueling the thought of abortion.

Step two: Restate situation and empathize

In the case of the woman who pulled into the driveway, she said she was homeless. She had just discovered the boyfriend had cheated on her and had moved out of his apartment. While she had a job, it was a struggle financially and difficult to find an apartment for her and her other children. The first thing I did was agree with her that this was all very difficult and I understood why she was feeling frightened and overwhelmed. Once we have the information, it is important to restate what the situation is to be sure you fully understand it. Then it is important to express compassion and understanding about the difficulties the Mom faces. When I restated what she had told me, she knew I was listening carefully, and she was willing to continue our discussion.

Step three: Brief Discussion of Resources and Message of Hope

Now I began to share the fact that LoveLife is a nationwide ministry with many resources, and I felt confident that we would be able to help her. I talked a little about the mentorship program. Then I moved quickly into talking about her baby. Step three is to give a message of hope and help immediately. It is more likely that she will then listen to some of the hard truths we will need to introduce. I do not usually go into detailed specifics of help at his point but let her know that help in her area of need is available.

Step four: Present truth about baby development in utero

Now I began to ask about the baby itself. I asked how far along she was. She was almost 9 weeks. I was able to list the developmental milestones of a nine-week-old baby. She was visibly upset hearing about how developed a baby at that stage really is. Then I asked her if she had other children. She told me she did, and this is where I began to introduce the idea of God into our discussion.

Step five: Introduce God into discussion early

Bringing God early into the discussion is critical. I look for the openings and divine moments God seems to always provide to do this gracefully. When she told me she had another child, I asked her if she loved that child. She said she did. I told her that God makes no distinction between the value of an unborn baby and a born baby. Both are made in His holy image and are valued with a divine plan and purpose. And then I asked if she believed in God. Like many of the women we see, she said she did. At that point, I asked her my usual follow-up question to that, “What would God have you do?”

Step six: Listen to response and rationalizations to guide discussion

As often happens, she began to cry at this point. She knew what God would have her do, but she also then began to rationalize why it was okay to abort. This is often what I see happen at this point. She knew that God would not have her kill the baby, but she was in a “hopeless situation”. She was betrayed by the boyfriend, homeless, and had to support her other child.

Step seven: Begin addressing sin issue and the dire consequences

I again expressed compassion and understanding for that very terrible and hard situation she faced. I asked her if rebelling against God in the past had led her to a place that she was happy to be. She said it had not. I also asked her if she was married. She said she was not. I told her that God is very clear that she should not be in an intimate sexual relationship with someone she is not married to. She admitted that she knew that. I asked her if she had not disregarded God’s word in this area, would she be facing the struggle she was now facing? She admitted no, she would not. I asked her if disregarding God with an even greater sin like murder was likely to lead to a better life outcome? She shook her head. I asked if she was familiar with Luke 6:46 which says: why do you call me, Lord Lord and not do what I say? I also shared other convicting verses such as Hebrews 10:26. It is very important to counter the focus on the love and forgiveness of God with the verses that express His righteousness and justice. Do not shy away from addressing sexual sin or from presenting those convicting verses to gently expose the disconnect between claiming a love of God while willfully and actively engaging in on-going sin. Tone of voice, eye contact, and gentleness is really important.

Step eight: Paint Positive vision and determine noble life goals, being bold in pointing to God and HIS WAY not OURS

Painting a positive vision and introducing harder truths now is a critical component of changing the mindset from abortion. I asked her if she could have anything on earth, what were her deepest goals and dreams? She surprised me with her answer. She said, “To draw nearer to God.” This was a softball lobbed right over home plate, and I was not going to waste this opening. I told her that was a noble, worthy, and wonderful goal. I asked her, “Is taking your innocent baby’s life going to bring you into a closer relationship with God?”

This was clearly a turning point in our discussion. She bowed her head with tears streaming down her cheeks. She admitted no, it would not.

I have started asking this question a lot. Surprisingly, most women answer with a very achievable and often noble goal and desire for their life. They are pursuing the goal with ungodly methods, but the goal itself is often good. It is usually easy to help them understand how to reach the goal without defying God, His goodness, and His guidance. I remind them it will not be easy, necessarily, but it relieves the burden of sin, regret, and rebellion against God.

Step nine: Offer ultrasound and mentor program with more specifics

At this point, I told her about the free ultrasound that we could provide and asked her if she would be willing to talk further with me about the specific help through the Love Life mentorship program. Through a local pregnancy center, we have a mobile ultrasound unit that is right in front of the abortion center. The sonographer from that mobile ultrasound unit was standing nearby so I called her over and asked if we would be able to do an ultrasound right away. She said we could. Then I asked the mom if she would be willing to see her baby and talk about how we could help. She said she would. While I felt confident that she was beginning to soften towards saving her baby, I knew the ultrasound was critical (as it often is). She did go on the mobile ultrasound unit, saw her baby, and she was smitten.

Step ten: Share the Gospel and do not ignore specific sins, Lordship and What it Means. Extend invitation to profession of faith.

This is a critical step, even with someone who claims that Jesus is their Lord. Share the gospel and do not shy from the message of the mom being in sin, usually including sexual sin. Without the gospel, I have found it is much more likely that the mom will not save the baby, or return a few days later to abort, or return with the next baby to abort. For true life- altering change of the heart, I believe there must be a spiritual change of the heart. In the case of this mom, she said that she did believe in God, and she did believe in Jesus. But as I asked questions, she admitted that she had never asked Jesus to be Lord of her life. She did not even really know what that meant. I spent a lot of time (as I often do) explaining Lordship. I also personalized the specific sin in her life. To do this well and without a judgmental or self-righteous attitude, our motivation is key. Our desire is never to condemn but to help her address it, confess it, repent of it, and truly draw into a saving relationship with Jesus. It was easy to guide her to that place because of what she had already expressed as her goals and desires.

After sharing the gospel, extend an invitation to ask Jesus to be her Lord and let her pray to God in her own words. Sign her up for a mentor immediately. Stay in touch until a mentor is appointed to solidify the choice for life.

I did all of this with this mom. She professed Jesus as Lord in a beautiful prayer (always have them speak in their own words. No repeat after me “sinner’s prayer”.) She wanted a mentor. Over the next few days, she repeatedly told me that meeting us saved her and the baby.

Summary

Not all cases will turn out well. The purpose of the guidelines in this article is to help SWO teams to be better prepared in the very common situation of people claiming to love the Lord when their actions do not support that claim. Hopefully, these ten steps will make it easier to help the conversation flow in a way that is both compassionate and boldly truthful. The results, as always, are up to God.