Guidelines In Counseling Family Members to Counsel Against Abortion

The Issue

I am frequently called by despairing family members or friends trying to counsel their loved one not to abort. We provide extensive training to our sidewalk outreach (SWO) team members in how to effectively counsel. It is not easy to truncate that process to guide someone to do that in an emergency situation. Crash courses have limitations. However, that abortion-determined woman is often unwilling to talk with one of our trained people. In those situations, I often will write a summary text of what the family or friend could copy and paste or use to guide their discussion with the mom.

In this article, I give an actual example of what I recently wrote for a grandmother in trying to counsel her granddaughter.  She said she had tried everything and did not know what else to do or say. The granddaughter would not call me, but she had a good relationship with the grandmom and was willing to listen to her.

I know that this guidance will often be edited by the person I send it to in such cases. I know that the grandmother in this real-life example was not fully comfortable sharing in the same way I had written the text.  However, my advice and guidance in such cases usually include ideas the person had not considered. If the abortion is imminent and the mom will not call a trained SWO member, this may be the best alternative.

I have bold texted the portions that are specific basic points that we have found to be effective in counseling abortion determined women. Following the actual text pasted below, I list those basic guidelines.

Text I wrote to Guide Grandmom Pleading for Life for her Grandchild

I know that right now you are feeling afraid, confused, and in crisis. You are probably trying to figure out the next 18 years of your life and totally overwhelmed. You are looking at a lot of unknowns. You know I love you and have always guided you to trust the one thing on earth that we CAN know and is unchanging truth. That is Jesus. I know you were raised to know and love Jesus and I have prayed that His desires are what you desire. The Bible is very clear. God is the creator of life and says He is the one that has knitted us together in the womb, in Psalm 139. In Jeremiah 1:5, God tells the great prophet “BEFORE I formed you in the womb, I knew you and appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” In the womb God already KNEW him, and even already had an appointed plan and purpose for Jeremiah. That is true of you and of your baby as well. God does not make mistakes. he did not have to give your baby the spark of life…but He did. Why? There is a reason, but one you will never know if you kill the baby. The 6th commandment is do not murder. The Bible says God hates the shedding of innocent blood. I know this is maybe hard for you to hear, but these are not my words…they are the words of God. Sweetie, do you love Jesus? Do you want to follow Him? What do you think He would have you do?

He actually tells us. Deuteronomy 30:19 says “I set before you life or death, blessing or curse. Therefore, choose life.” God’s plans are ALWAYS better than our plans. Look at where your plans have led you. Is this a place you want to be? Maybe it is time to trust and follow God. The Bible says in Luke 6:46, “If you love me, you will obey me.” Do you love Jesus? If you do, He is urging you to trust and obey Him. I believe you are at a crossroads. You have a beautiful opportunity to choose to trust and follow God despite your fears and struggles…or to follow the enemy of your soul. One loves you and died for you…one hates you and desires your destruction.

Your baby in the womb already has a heartbeat, as early as 17 days from conception. Her brain waves are detectable 6 weeks from conception. All the human DNA she will ever have is already there. You son or daughter is not fully developed yet but is alive and is fully loved and known by God. You, AND your baby are of infinite value to God because you both are human and made in His holy image.

I know that you may not be proud of all the choices you have made that have led you to this moment…but this could be the pivotal time in your life when you decide to make the brave, righteous, God-honoring choice. You do not have to figure out the rest of your life. You only have this moment. None of us knows what tomorrow may bring. All we are guaranteed is now. My prayer is you will use this precious moment God has given you to make a choice that obeys and honors and trusts Him.

He has shown you so much love and mercy and now He is giving you the chance to do the same for your child. We will support and help you every step of the way. The ministry Love Life will connect you with resources and a mentor if you like who will walk alongside you through this entire pregnancy. Maybe it will mean parenting or maybe placing your child for adoption. But I am pleading with you…God is pleading with you…to let your baby live.  Abortion, the violent killing of your innocent baby, should be off the table if you desire to live for God.

Jesus came that we might have life the Bible says…but Satan came to kill, steal, and destroy. Please do not let Satan steal your integrity and faithfulness to God and destroy what He sent you to be a blessing. I am praying for you. I love you with all my heart, so I cannot tell you what you want to hear, but what I know is true. This is my great grandchild you are carrying. I love that baby already. What a beautiful future lies ahead that God has planned for that unique person!

Much love and prayers, sweet girl.

General Principles in this example:

• Reflect how the mom is feeling
• Help them see they are responding to fear and unknowns
• Help them to see what they KNOW to be true especially regarding God and His word
• Cite verses that show God is clear in love and plan for the unborn and hatred of the shedding of innocent blood
• Show the difference between giving in to temptation and seeking righteousness
• Simplify that by reference to Jesus who came to give life, and Satan who came to kill, steal, and destroy.
• Cite facts on fetal development of baby the age of the mom’s unborn baby.
• Remind them of the source of all human value: made in God’s image, humans
• Remind them not to focus on the future which may or may not come but on the NEXT right choice, right step.
• Remind them of resources and help available.
• Remind them of your love but your allegiance to God and to truth, and that your greatest act of love is guiding them to Biblical truth.
• Remind them of the human relationships of the unborn baby that will be cut off if the mom kills the child…in this case, the Grandmom’s great grandchild.