Counseling Abortion Determined Friends and Family

Help! Someone in my church just told me she scheduled an abortion. What do I do or say?

🚨 First: What not to do

Don’t panic or come in harsh or condemning. The Love Life model emphasizes that this is not about winning an argument—it’s about rescuing someone in crisis with compassion, like the Good Samaritan. 

If you come in strong or judgmental, she may shut down or hide it.

❤️ What you should do immediately

Before contacting her, PRAY.

This is spiritual warfare. Ask God for:

• Wisdom
• The right words
• Her heart to be softened

1. Suggested conversation starter:

I’m really glad you reached out—this is exactly the kind of moment where the Church can step in with truth and love.

Before I guide you, I have a couple of quick questions so I can be as helpful as possible.

Ask:

Do you know how far along you are? (This will guide what fetal facts to share later.)

Do you have an appointment for abortion scheduled?

Can you tell me your situation, why you are considering abortion (fear, pressure, finances, family, etc.)?

2. Move toward her in love (quickly)

Time matters if the appointment is soon.

Approach her like this:

• Calm
• Private
• Compassionate
• Not assuming

You might say something like:

“Hey, I heard you might be going through something really hard right now. I just want you to know I care about you and I’m here for you—no matter what.”

3. Listen before you speak

This is critical. Listen carefully. REALLY listen!

Our role is to find out the struggles and obstacles and try to instill hope.

Ask gentle questions:

• “What’s been weighing on you?”
• “What’s making you come to this decision?”

Let her talk. Don’t interrupt. Don’t correct immediately.

4. Speak truth + hope (not just truth)

When the time is right, gently bring in three key things (this is core training). The 3 key talking points are God, humanity of the baby, and resources. Do not read these as a list or try to tell her all these things at once. Having prayed, allow the Lord to guide you to the ones that would be most meaningful for her, based on any clues you picked up while listening to her. We try to touch on all three in the time we have, but we try to discern which need the most emphasis in her situation to help guide a choice for life.

God’s truth

• Your baby is made in the image of a holy God and loved and known by him
• Psalm 139 reminds us that God is knitting your baby together in the womb and the child is fearfully and wonderfully made!
• The bible says children are a blessing from the Lord.
• The 6^th commandment says thou shall not murder
• Dt.30:19 says I set before you life or death, blessing or curse, therefore choose life that you and your offspring may live
• God doesn’t make mistakes. There is a purpose in that child being given the spark of life.
• God knows and loves us in the womb. Jeremiah 1:5 says before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, I consecrated you and appointed you as a prophet to the nations. God already knew Jeremiah and had already determined the purpose and plan for his life as a prophet while he was yet in the womb!
• When did God start loving YOU? When did He start loving your baby?

The baby’s humanity

• Your precious child is a unique individual, your son or your daughter.
• Your baby already has a beating heart as early as 17 days from conception, brain waves as early as 6 weeks from conception, 10 fingers and toes and every organ in place 8 weeks from conception.
• Your baby is a vulnerable, innocent little person growing in exactly the place God designed to be a place of protection.
• Your beautiful child, designed by God in His image, already has all the human DNA he or she will ever have.

Available help/resources

• We would love to appoint a mentor with the backing of a church. That mentor will walk alongside you for a minimum of a year, go over every obstacle you face, and link you with resources to help. No matter what you face or where you are from, we will do our very best to help you.
• Mention Pregnancy Resource Centers in her area and offer to accompany her for a free ultrasound.
• Know community resources if possible and mention them.

Speak relationally, not like a script.

Example:

“I believe your baby is really precious and created by God… and I also know this must feel overwhelming. But you’re not alone—we can help you through this.”

5. Offer real, tangible help

This is HUGE. Many women choose abortion because they feel alone and have limited help or resources. The church is called to come alongside abortion-vulnerable families and help meet real needs. 

Ask:

• What would make this feel possible for you?
• What are you most afraid of right now?
• What are your biggest obstacles?
• Is there anyone pressuring you to abort?
• Do you have family/friend support?
• What are your dreams and goals for your life?

Then offer:

• Going with her to an ultrasound
• Baby shower
• Financial help (if possible through church)
• Housing support
• Connecting her with a pregnancy center
• Ongoing friendship
• Mentorship program through Love Life helping her to find the resources to help her reach her dreams and goals.

6. Invite her to pause the decision

• You don’t have to “solve everything”—just help her slow down.
• You could say:

“Would you be open to just pausing and getting an ultrasound first? Just to see your baby and have all the information before making a decision?”

• This aligns with sidewalk strategy—getting her to stop and reconsider can save a life.
• “This is a very important decision which affects not only your life but the life of your vulnerable child. It would be wise to take a deep breath, hear about how we can help, and pray before you make this life changing decision.”

7. Bring in the Church (wisely)

If able:

• Contact a trained Love Life Sidewalk outreach volunteer in your area. They are trained to deal with this day after day. If the mom will talk to them, it is probably best. You can go to lovelife.org to find information in who to contact near you if you are not already connected with a House of Refuge representative.
• Mobilize discreet prayer
• Activate your church as a House of Refuge if it is not already.

💡 Important mindset

You are not just trying to stop an abortion—you are:

• Loving a scared person
• Speaking for a voiceless baby
• Bringing a calm tone, a deep breath and confidence to a chaotic situation
• Bringing the Gospel and practical help
• As the Love Life SWO field guide says, she is like someone “in a ditch… we are to get them out, bind their wounds, and care for them.” 

When appropriate, share the Gospel!

• Do you believe in God?
• What would God have you do?
• Ask what choices led her to the abortion center. Ask if they aligned with what God would have her do.
• Ask if she has ever considered if her life choices are leading her to God or away from Him?
• Ask her if she has ever longed for change, something better.
• Ask if she were to die today, where would she go?
• Share Gospel with major concepts of personal sin (10 commandments), penalty for sin, repentance and what that looks like, how we will never earn our way to heaven and our need for a savior, why Jesus went to the cross paying our penalty for us, what Romans 10:9 calls us to do (believe by faith in resurrection and substitutionary atonement), what it means if Jesus is truly Lord of our life (we will be changed, we will trust and obey). Invite them to make confession of faith if they would like.
• Overwhelmingly, if someone responds positively to the Gospel, they choose life.

Sample Conversation

You are right to want to be careful here. What you say in this moment really matters. Do not panic, the Holy Spirit will guide you and wants this baby to be safe more than you do! He cares about the soul of this woman and wants all to trust and follow Him.

Remember, tone matters just as much as words—gentle, calm, and genuinely caring.

🗣️ First Conversation (Start Here)

“Hey, I heard you might be going through something really hard right now. I just want you to know I care about you a lot, and I’m here for you—no matter what.”

(Pause. Let her respond.)

❤️ If she opens up

“Thank you for trusting me with that. That sounds really heavy… I can understand why you’d feel overwhelmed.”

(Affirm her feelings without affirming abortion.)

🙏 Gently shift toward truth

“Can I share something with you? I care about you, and I care about your baby too. I really believe your baby is precious and created by God with purpose… and I don’t think abortion is the solution to what you’re facing. If you are just 6 weeks along, your baby already has a beating heart and detectible brain waves. Your baby is fully human with human DNA, though of course not fully developed. Your baby is valued and loved by God. The Bible is clear that God is the one who creates life. Do you believe in God? What do you think He would have you do?

🤝 Offer real help (this is critical)

“You don’t have to go through this alone. I will walk with you through this—whatever you need. We can figure this out together.”

Then get specific:

“What’s the hardest part for you right now? What’s making this feel like your only option?”

(LISTEN carefully!!!!)

🚨 Invite her to pause (very important)

“Would you be willing to just slow this down for a moment? Before making a decision, could we go get a free ultrasound together? Just to see your baby and make sure you have all the information?”

💡 Reassurance + hope

“I really believe that what feels impossible right now won’t always feel this way. There are people who want to help you, and I’m one of them.  Have you faced things in your life before that felt impossible? Did you make it through them? God gives us the strength we need when we need it. For example, in the Old Testament when His people were fleeing Egypt on the way to the Promised Land, He gave them manna from heaven for food. But He told them to only gather enough for one day. If they gathered more, it rotted! God was teaching them an important lesson- trust Him one day at a time, one choice at a time. You do not need to figure out the rest of your life. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but we do know who brings tomorrow, right? God! And He loves you AND your baby so much!”

🙌 If she’s open spiritually

“Do you believe God might have a plan in this, even if we can’t see it yet? I believe He does—and I believe He can make a way for you.”

⚠️ If she says “I can’t do this”

“I hear you… it feels impossible right now. But you don’t have to have everything figured out today. You just need to take the next step—and I’ll take it with you. Can we schedule that ultrasound for you now?”

❌ What to avoid saying

Don’t lead with condemnation

Don’t argue

Don’t make promises you can’t keep 

🎯 Your goal

You are not trying to win a debate. You are trying to:

Keep the conversation open

Help her pause.

Surround her with hope and support.

Open opportunity to share the Gospel.